Done to Me
by RedneckGeek
Summary: My take on the deleted scene from "Spoils of War". Warning this is a dark one.


**A/N I can't get the deleted scene from "Spoils of War" out of my head. This is what came from it. It's emotionally rough at the beginning. I also think Shane Brennan is being exceptionally cruel for deleting that scene.**

**Thank You both Bamie02 for being sounding boards.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, because if I did that scene would not have been deleted.**

It was almost surreal, he knew what was going to happen, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. "Send me the photo." From the sound of his voice, it was obvious the blonde American had reached the end of his rope.

"Mr. Deeks, I don't…."

The diminutive operations manager words had barely left her lips when he interrupted her. "Hetty send me the fu… please Hetty send me the photo, please." The anguish resonated like a bell in his voice.

Whatever reply came from Los Angeles was ignored as a photo of the one good thing in his entire life lying in a pool of her own blood appeared on the screen of his Blackberry. While tears streamed down his face, something deep inside broke. He had told her that he didn't care when she had asked him what he thought would happen if the two of them had finally crossed that line. Oh how he never thought this would be how it ended.

Guilt and rage at himself for his inability to take the shot blossomed out hot and consuming. It was all his fault for her being here, where she was captured, tortured and then murdered. He turned, tears scalding his cheeks, she was dead and it was because of him. It was all he could do to keep from pulling his pistol and swallowing a bullet right then and there. The blind cleric was voicing some verse and Makar was watching him closely. But the very least he could do was to bring her back home, and for that he would get the answers that he needed.

Maybe it was three hours or maybe it was thirty hours, but the old man finally gave up the ghost without saying a word that helped him. Blood coated his arms to the elbows, the knife had come out after waterboarding had done nothing. From his vantage point Deeks watched himself pull his pistol out and empty the magazine into the body, all the while screaming in silent agony of what he had become.

*******NCIS LA*******

The case had been a hard one, long with only a few hours of sleep between hours of stakeouts, interrogations and confrontations. He had dozed off on the couch, and now she stood watching him. Something had happened today or was it yesterday, and it was troubling Deeks immensely. Even Sam and Callen had noticed it, for Kensi her partner's distress had shown like an oncoming train. He was mumbling in his sleep, his head tossing back and forth. Buckets of sweat were literally pouring off of his face as he sat up with a gasp, desperately drawing air into heaving lungs. It was just a nightmare, but never had he gone that far even in his dreams.

Memories of a picture on his phone that had stopped his breath, his heart, his very will to live flashed through his mind as he held his head in his hands. The sound of water hitting the bottom of the bucket battling the harsh breathing and chanting from the blind cleric echoed within the recesses of his head. The queasiness flared in his stomach as he remembered the feelings of agony, despair, rage and yes even a little joy as he strode towards the man he had just punched while tied to a chair. "My God, what have you done to me Kensi?" His voice cracked as he unconsciously repeated her exact words to him on the best night of his life.

It said a lot for his current state of mind that he didn't even notice her kneeling in front of him. Gentle fingers slowly pried his hands from his face, and cupped his chin. Thumbs gently wiping away the tears cutting rivers through his sweat, she softly brought his eyes up to meet hers. "I made you fall in love with me. Just like you made me fall in love with you." She pulled him into a hug, trying desperately to send him the calm and strength he needed. "Hetty gave us three days off. Come on we need to talk."

**Thanks for Reading. Hopefully I made up for the beginning. Please leave a review. Thinking about turning this into a multichapter piece. **


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